| people change |
[17 Dec 2005|01:20am] |
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I made the long trek to see my old best friend from high school tonight. Krista and I chatted with him while he got drunk and talked a little too much, and it felt like I never really knew him to begin with. We joked around about how I used to be in love with him, and I think he still didn't quite get it. I also found driving around on back roads with Sonic Youth and a little help from friends is nice, and accidental drunken slip ups from others can leave your mind reeling but yet help settle it more.
It's so weird how you can pick up with some old friends like years never went by but sometimes a friendship was almost a waste and just a photo album of pictures. Or how even a "it was nice to meet you" can feel better than a "it was nice seeing you again." I've been having a big mix of those lately. I feel like I'm being forced to start a new life by myself and to automatically grow this protective shell around myself. To protect me from anything that might ever get inside again, and the most equally scary and comforting parts are knowing that the shell isn't going to be coming off for a long time coming.
Also, tattoos hurt. A lot. Ask my wrist.
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[15 Dec 2005|11:46pm] |
QUICK HELP;
Tattoos at American Graffiti in Davis, good place as I remember. Right?
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[10 Dec 2005|01:12am] |
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On my lunch break I had to walk across the whole mall to get food and it's amazing how many times people walked straight into me and didn't even say sorry. It's disheartening how invisible I feel lately.
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| mead composition notebook. |
[26 Sep 2004|05:28am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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early morning tv. |
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i only slept for a couple hours, and then got the urge to write. i've been reading parts of my life i've written over the past year and i break my heart with how i used to feel about myself:
"i feel like i'm some sort of disease. i don't want to be feared, i want to be held and lied to ... i want to live blindly."
( quotes. )
yeah .. there's a lot more where that came from. i might delete this post later, it's really personal. i haven't written any entries containing anything like that in months though. i've grown as a person extensively, i'm so much more happier with myself. i tihnk i've finally started treating myself right, and that in its self has finally let me acheive a happiness that won't fade whenever my insecurities peak.
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eighteenth's journal